I’ve always been a pretty relaxed parent when it comes to my almost 4-year-old’s TV and screen habits — but things quickly began to get out of control once school let out. What started out as watching one or two innocent programs a day turned into three to five hours of all sorts of YouTube shows.
Our binge-watching during these summer months wouldn’t have been such a big deal, but then I started noticing his personality changing. First, when we turned off the screens, he would have fits that lasted close to 20 minutes, eliminating every bit of relaxation I was feeling from my break. And the second he woke up in the morning he would come to my bed and beg to watch TV like an addict (a cute one, though).
A couple of weeks ago I was having a drink with a friend and fellow mom who is a complete purist. She doesn’t even have an ounce of plastic in her daughter’s playroom! It’s no surprise that her family hasn’t introduced screens to their child and insists that kids this age don’t need them.
“But I do!” I thought, before she then sent me an eye-opening article in The New York Times called, “Is Your Child a Digital Addict? Here’s What You Can Do.”
The article explains that kids cannot be satisfied by the world outside after watching screens because nothing can ever match the stimulation and endorphin rush they get. “The intense sounds, colors and rapid movement of digital content can make it much more immersive and entrancing than the real world — and therefore much more difficult to disengage from,” says Rebecca Rialon Berry, Ph.D.
The piece also breaks down what happens in a child’s brain when they engage with digital content. “Pleasurable activities cause the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that sends a signal to the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain involved in planning and organizing tasks. The message is ‘do that again, get more of that,'” says Dr. Dimitri Christakis, M.D., M.P.H. “Then, when parents put a stop to the games or YouTube videos, kids’ dopamine levels drop. The withdrawal of it is experienced as painful. You experience transient withdrawal like you’re coming down from a high.”
After mulling it over for a bit, it was clear that I had no choice: We were going to do a TV detox. I knew it would be a tough road filled with plenty of tears, but just like when we removed his pacifier by the age of 3, this would be best for his mental health.
My husband was quickly on board. The next morning our detox “program” would begin. Here’s how the first few days went down:
Day 1
As usual, my boy jumps out of bed and quickly runs into my room asking to watch. I hold him tight and tell him I love him. Then I explain that we won’t be watching during the morning and day anymore because the doctor says it’s bad for his brain. He has no understanding of what I’m talking about and just cries inconsolably for 20 minutes. I keep holding him lovingly. Then, I finally distract him with an oatmeal cookie and we move on with our day.
Later in the afternoon, another crying fit after we get home from the park when he walks in the door and assumes we’ll get to watch TV. He’s really upset again, but I stick it out and stay strong. I know I just need to get through a few more days. Plus, I have a new toy to distract him so we recover.
That evening at around 6 p.m., we let our boy watch two 20-minute shows on Netflix or Amazon Prime, but no YouTube videos. He loses it for a few minutes again and says something like, “What are you doing to my life?!” But eventually, he gives in and enjoys his old favorite “Tumble Leaf.” I feel good about the day.
Day 2
Our boy sleeps an hour later. He also doesn’t jump out of bed right away but relaxes after he’s up for a full 10 minutes! He then comes over to our bed and asks if he can watch and I say no. He cries for a bit but the sadness ends quicker, especially after I break out some books about Halloween and scary goblins — his favorite!
We continue to allow him to watch close to one hour of TV in the evening each day. No, it’s not cold turkey, but our detox still changed a lot of habits. Our boy continues to sleep later and doesn’t cry to come home if we’re out at the park. He seems more at peace and generally calmer, and he finds new ways to play with his toys at home.
I used to worry that there was nothing for him to do at home if he didn’t occupy his time watching TV. But even if he rolls around on the floors, tells silly stories or sings to himself (which he’s been doing), we’re in a better place. He has even started playing a new hide-and-seek game with a cardboard box!
He did have a few more crying and cranky episodes this week, especially on the mornings of day four and five, which seemed like a relapse because we had been doing so well. Still, I continued to stay firm on our new limits because I’m seeing the benefits of less screen time and I know in my heart that his brain is much better off. There’s no going back now!
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