The John Report: The Raw Deal for 10/05/09 (DX vs. Jerishow)
Welcome to the Raw Deal. You know the drill by now. I watch Raw, give my thoughts on everything that went down, bring it home with the three stars of the show plus a final rating and then end the Raw discussion with the thoughts from my friends on Facebook in the weekly Commentfest. It’ll be shorter than usual. These Monday nighters where I watch the NFL game, then watch Raw on the DVR and then write this column on Tuesdays is tough. Ah well, it’s still fun.
I’m not going to delve into the Hell in a Cell PPV because I haven’t seen it yet, although two major title changes at that show did cause me to write a fairly long rant style column about too many title changes. It’s called “What has happened to the WWE and World Titles” and you can read it by clicking right here. I’ve received plenty of great feedback on it already and I’ll be spending most of my week responding to your emails because there are so many of them. It will likely lead to a future column with your feedback and my response to it.
Live from Wilkes-Barre, PA here’s the Raw Deal…
The guest host, Ben Roethlisberger of the NFL’s Pittsburgh Steelers, came out to start the show. I like Ben. Good guy, hell of a player and you could tell by his actions that he was a legit WWE fan rather than some of the people they’ve had hosting that probably didn’t know a whole heck of a like Piven or Sharpton. He got a mixed reaction because there were some Philly fans there along with the Pittsburgh ones, but he handled it well and tossed it to a “Diva Bowl.” I do feel bad for the international fans that might not know who he was. That seems to be happening a lot lately.
The Babyface Chicks d. The Heel Chicks (1/4*)
Gail Kim was the guest ref because she had an implant issue apparently. I think there were eight on each team, which is proof that they have too many women and not enough that know how to work. The chicks were decked out in Steelers uniforms. What I noticed as being weird was the numbers of the players didn’t match the names on the back of the jerseys. Not sure why. Anyway, all the chicks had a crappy brawl and then hit spots on one another in a match that went way too fast. Mickie pinned Alicia Fox with a victory roll. For the record, I didn’t mind the girls dressed liked this. I liked them better in the boxing gear, though.
Randy Orton came out during the celebration of the girls. They went to commercial because he takes forever to walk, so when we came back he made it to the ring. What a speed demon.
Orton talked about beating Cena clean. I like that they mentioned that. Then he called Cena out and Cena SPRINTED to the ring! He sprinted! Aren’t they supposed to be selling us on how physical and tough a Hell in a Cell match is? Shouldn’t he be walking slowly to sell the injuries a bit? The guy lost. On top of that, he got kicked in the head and showed no signs of physical pain. Even I’m getting tired of Super Cena now. Cena went into hype man mode talking about how Cena vs. Orton has become THE rivalry. Um, no. PPV numbers are down. Ratings are down. It is not great. It’s alright, at best. He wanted an Ironman match at Bragging Rights, which is the PPV in three weeks. Three weeks between PPV is never a good thing. They were waiting for the crowd to cheer, but they didn’t. So much for THE rivalry, huh? Then they agreed that if Cena won he gets the title, but if Orton won then Cena had to leave Raw. Randy said he didn’t care if Cena went to Smackdown or ECW (did the people that wrote the ECW part laugh as much as I did?). I’d pencil in the Cena victory right now, folks. Does that mean another rematch? I don’t know. I don’t even know if I care at this point. There’s no DQ and no countout in the match too. One hour of the same match we’ve seen so many times? It’s not going to draw PPV buys. I don’t mind Ironman matches. Most of them have been good in WWE history. The problem is you promote these shows to kids, who don’t have long attention spans, yet you expect them to pop for one hour? Good luck. Cena’s delivery is fine, but the stuff he says is such garbage way too often. And again, sell the beating from the grueling Cell match! Geez.
Jack Swagger d. Primo (*)
Before the match, Swagger said that he wasn’t going to lose for the rest of the year. Wow, three months. Hey Primo, welcome to Squashville. Population: You. I know it’s not original, but I like it. Primo has gone from promising energetic tag team wrestler to jobber while his brother Carlito has done nothing. Way to break up a team that was actually over. Get Swagger a feud, please.
The girls stood there arguing. About what? Who knows. Santino was there dressed as a ref telling Mickie and Alicia to kiss to make up. Now I’m having me flashbacks of Mickie making out with Trish, which was the greatest moment in the history of WWE. Yes I’m serious. Don’t argue. They all fought some more and Santino got out of there. No implants were damaged in this segment. I hope.
Miz talked to Roethlisberger. He wanted a title match without admitting that he got pinned at HIAC. Ben asked him what happened. Ben was busy beating the Chargers last night and I was busy betting on them beating on the Chargers. Thanks Ben. Anyway, Miz gets rewarded for getting pinned last night by getting a title shot and if he loses he has to say “I’m Awful” instead of “I’m Awesome.” Oh snap.
Mark Henry & MVP d. Chris Masters & Chavo Guerrero (*)
Gee, I wonder who was going to win this match. What was the point of bringing Masters back if they had no intention of pushing him? Not that I blame them. He’s not a good pro wrestler. He doesn’t have flexibility or any sense of having a god match. Anyway, Henry worked a knee injury and the match ended up breaking down with Masters accidentally dropping an elbow on Chavo that led to the pin for MVP. Yes, Chavo lost to an elbow drop. Post match, MVP & Henry quickly got out of there to set up the predictable Horny spot. He saved Chavo by biting Masters in the leg. Chavo was shocked. The feud of the year is turning into a friendship. How cute.
Roethlisberger came out, but before he could say anything he was interrupted by Jerishow. Show claimed the “Big Ben” nickname was something of the joke. Ben brought out his offensive line. There were six of them rather than the five that actually play, but they’re all big dudes in the 300-350 pound range. Obviously Show’s over 400. I’m sure Vince was giddy seeing so many big bodies in his ring. It looked like we’d have a face off when Jerishow bailed and out came DX. The great Jericho ripped DX for plugging their merchandise, and then ended up doing it for him. What a guy. The other highlight here was HHH saying Jericho had nice hair, Chris went “really?” and HHH responded with a no. Chris was so disappointed. Michaels challenged them, the champs said no and Ben said he was the GM, so we’d get that match later in the night. Also, during this segment Big Show referred to their team as Jerishow. Mark out moment! I’d like to point out here that I’ve been calling them Jerishow since the first week they teamed up. I’m claiming to have created it, but I am very happy that it is catching on.
The Miz d. Kofi Kingston to win the US Title (**1/2)
Good match. Michael Cole loving the idea of Miz saying “I’m awful” if he lost was so annoying. It hurt the match. I like Kofi’s offense so much. It’s a shame that Vince McMahon is likely never going to get behind him because he’s not big enough. As for Miz winning, I predicted it on Sunday. One day late. Let me get this straight. Miz has had a number of title shots. He got pinned Sunday. Then he gets a title shot? Welcome to WWE where nobody ever looks good except for three people and all the midcard guys keep running in circles. Congrats to the Calgary Kid.
Horny was excited to talk to Ben. He mumbled some words. No, I’m not transcribing. Santino came in, screwed up Roethlisberger’s name to hilarious results, then Horny slapped him and he was able to say it right. Not as funny as you’d think it could be.
The video package noting that Cena’s granted 140 wishes for the Make a Wish foundation was pretty cool. I know people question him as a performer, but as a person I’ve heard nothing but good things about the guy. I’ve got a lot of respect for John Cena.
Next week’s guest hosts are Nancy O’Dell and Maria Menounos. I love me some Menounos. We’re both Greek. She’s fine. I’m cool with it. O’Dell’s got a charity that WWE has worked with in the past. This will get them on Access Hollywood, which I guess is what WWE wants out of the guest hosts rather than trying to get more viewers. I don’t really agree with the philosophy.
Shawn Michaels & Triple H d. Chris Jericho & Big Show (***1/4)
Very good TV tag match that got 18 minutes. Is it wrong that I got really excited for Jericho and Michaels working again after having the best feud in WWE last year? Man, I wish I was writing more back then. It was so great. So much better than the stuff we’re getting in the main events these days. Anyway, the story here was obviously the heel side working over Michaels because there’s nobody better at selling moves than Shawn Michaels. When Hunter got the tag, he cleaned house, Cole busted out a “vintage” for the knees of the Game because those are about as vintage as anything in WWE. The good guys took care of Show by throwing him into the post, then clotheslining him into the crowd. Not the prettiest sight in the word. Jericho was all alone, he was like “screw this” and bailed only to be blocked the Steelers at the ramp. DX threw Jericho back in, Michaels hit him with the Sweet Chin Music and HHH covered for the win. I’m sure they’ll continue this on PPV soon probably for the belts. I’d like the titles to stay on Jerishow. These four wrestling in the tag division is good for the belts. Of course they do need more actual tag teams on both shows, but I’ll take what I can get at this point.
Three Stars of the Show
1. Shawn Michaels – Man, how I missed him in the ring. He’s the greatest chef/wrestler ever.
2. Chris Jericho – Yep. Him again. He was funny and worked a good match.
3. The Miz – I’m learning to like him. He works hard and it shows with him improved work in the ring.
Last week I asked for some numbers on who has been in the three stars the most. I got an email from Tyson with some results:
I tabulated the number of appearances in your “Three Stars” section of the Raw Deal. From May to now, Jericho has the most appearances with eight. Kofi, Orton, and Santino/Santina come in joint second with four appearances. Orton and Jericho share the most “number one star” ratings. Hope this helps. Personally, I don’t think Orton is anywhere near as good as some make him out to be but, obviously, Jericho is one of the best in the industry today.
Keep up the great work,
Tyson
Go Jericho. I thought he’d have more. As for Orton, he’s good most of the time. I don’t like how he’s booked a lot of the time, though.
Rating: 6 (out of 10)
Last week: 4
I liked the show for the most part. Roethlisberger did a good because, as I said in the open, he’s a fan of the product. The US title match was pretty good while the tag match was very good. I thought the Cena/Orton promo was way too hokey and I’m not that excited to see them wrestling again. Another title change won’t do anybody any good, either.
This wasn’t the kind of show that if you missed you should be disappointed. However, if you watched it you shouldn’t be that upset by it…except by you Cena haters who I hear from regularly. Honestly, after another lame segment with him I don’t blame you for hating on the character.
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Thoughts from the Facebook friends aka CommentFest
Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com/thejohnreport) after I asked for some comments about the show. The comments in green are from the CommentFest while my comments, which will usually be sarcastic, will follow in the brackets when necessary:
Great idea Vince, start Raw with MNF theme to remind everyone of the better entertainment on ESPN!
I think i’d just be happy to watch Diva Bowl all night rather than the other crap that’s gonna be on the show!
When Maria was in her football outfit, I wanted to put one between the uprights!!!
I don’t know what’s harder: Getting tickets to the Brett Favre Monday Night Football game or me watching the Diva Bowl. (The commentfest is not PG, for the record.)
I wonder how Santino is going to butcher his name…..
Wouldn’t it be funnier if Santino nails his name perfectly?
Seriously I saw mickie’s foot hit the ground and then rosa fell..dumbass.
I saw Kelly Kelly, I dont need to watch Raw anymore. (Whattup Jeremy Piven.)
And here I was enjoying a promo free start to RAW. Way to go ruining it for me Randy.
I for one hope that Cena comes out to interrupt Randy’s promo. That would be new and refreshing.
First commercial break comes NOT by throwing someone out of the ring, but while Randy “walks” to the ring… HEY look at that, he actually MADE it to the ring during the break! (He is the Usain Bolt of WWE.)
I think Orton is fanfreakintastic…he has a point he beat Cena clean first time in a looooooong time that happened.
So let me get this straight. Batista, Shawn Michaels, HHH, Vince and Shane McMahon, and a few others have all been punted in the head and “been out of action” for a while. John Cena gets punted, and he’s on Raw the next night looking like nothing happened. This SuperCena stuff is getting very old very fast.
Correction mr. cena, john cena vs randy orton has become the rivalry the creative can’t stop rehashing. (Hey, don’t forget about Orton vs. HHH.)
So now we get to see Orton vs Cena for another 60 minutes! Vintage WWE Creative!
NO!!! Dont send Cena to Smackdown!! Thats the only decent show we have left! (They already sent Batista to do his part.)
Wait, an ironman No Holds Barred match??? Between these two??? I’ll predict it right now… Weapons will be used, 16 Attitude Adjusters, 9 RKO’s, Tables, Ladders, Chairs…. Not ONE DROP OF BLOOD and Cena wins because Raw can’t gain ratings without him. (Not like they’re getting ratings with him.)
Sneaky, now they’ve got people cheering for Cena to win. All the people that enjoy Smackdown… (Haha, I really liked this one!)
I want to see John Cena turn heel so much I’m even thinking of impossible situations like he loses the Iron Man match but refuses to leave Raw and starts to act like a sore loser…. Someone show me something fresh please… (Sorry, no soup for you.)
Jack Swagger’s parents are cruel individuals… having an “s” in their last name when their child has a lisp. Then again, what asshole put an “s” in the word “lisp”?
That’s girl’s sign “jack thwagger” was epic.
Jack Thwagger is the besth!!!!! (Okay that’s enough I promith.)
Dear WWE isnt advertising something as unauthorized kinda saying your authorizing it. If you didnt want it to come out why would you put a commercial on tv for it? (Vince McMahon is so crafty isn’t he?)
HAHAHA I FUCKING LOVE SANTINONONONONO.
KELLY KELLY ON RAW!!! Vince I lo…..still hate you. (Yep, same guy as before.)
Wait? No Hornswoggle? If he is not coming out from under that ring I riot. (He didn’t riot.)
W.S.M.= WALRUS SOUL MACHINE
Waffles. Syrup. Maple?
MVP is getting over so much with the fans…he is becoming a huge babyface.
HORNSWAGGLE WITH THE SAVE….What did Master’s do to deserve this shit? Trip’s steroids? (Yep.)
I switch back and I see Hornswoggle helping Chavo? BIGGEST SWERVE EVAAAAAAAA.
BRING BACK PEPE!!! (Hey, I’m still in tears over his death. Thanks for making me cry, jackass!)
I think the Kool-Aid Man may have busted one of his big glass pitcher legs. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO!
I love how the entrance for big ben looks like a kid made it on PowerPoint.
Is big show making a guest appearence on that 70s show later???
Mesomorph- a person with a well-developed muscular body… you’re welcome.
Jerishow has caught on…. don’t most of the wrestlers HATE internet reporters or wrestling websites?? (Jericho’s not most wrestlers. He’s better.)
That hair bit with Jericho was great? “Really?”
Kofi in a one-on-one match? I have a bad feeling…
What happens if the miz doesn’t say it? There I go, asking questions….stop rational thoguht stop rational questions. (Now you’re learning. I’m proud of you.)
I predict JeriShow losing to DX. (Winner!)
You guys see KELLY KELLY!!!!? (You guessed it. Same guy.)
As I said last night, now that they are no longer pretending Kofi is Jamaican his surname and finisher name don’t make sense, making him the perfect poster boy for WWE in general.
There it is, the first time tonight!! Guy gets knocked outside and we go to commercial!!! VINTAGE!
So now that they are announcing Kofi is from Africa, will he be dressing like Saba Simba?! (Yes. Also Kamala and Akeem the African Dream among others.)
YES!!!!!! (That’s for Miz winning. Not the Kelly Kelly guy.)
YES! MIZ IS CHAMP! WE ALL LOVE KOFI…but it was about time for Miz!!!
Come on Vince…. Its for the Kids!!! (obscure Entourage season finale reference.) (Matt Damon was great in it, but that show was brutal this year. I want to punch E in the face repeatedly. Off topic, I know, but had to say it.)
Weird…the US belt stays on one guy for months while he fights off a half dozen different contenders. The heavyweight belt switches guys more than a $3 whore. (I have $2.75 Canadian.)
Hornswaggle ALMOST speaking English… THANK GOD Santino is back… Rottenberber, Rockenroller, Bralesswonder.. VINTAGE!!! Best segment YET… slap by Hornie Fixes his speach…VINTAGE!
There’s nothing funnier than a leprechaun slapping the shit out of an italian stereotype and a super bowl-winning QB…great entertainment, really.
Crap, Cole used JeriShow. Prepare for the killing and overuse of the coolest team name ever. (It was fun while it lasted.)
11:01…. VINTAGE TRIPLE H!!!
VINTAGE… there it is… thank you dipshit!
VINTAGE HHH…got my fix…I’m like a herion addict for that shit.
So now “Vintage” gets an introduction? “Ladies and Gentlemen vintage HHH!” Wow just wow.
Show…. meet pole!!
THE STEELERS HAVE GLOWSTICKS! THE STEELERS HAVE GLOWSTICKS!!! TIME FOR SOME MAJOR CROSS-MERCHANDISING NOW!!!
SHUT UP COLE…… Raw-thlesberger….. I bet he writes his notes in crayon….
RAWTHISLBURGER…that Cole amazes me again…is there anything the man can’t do.
“Raw”thlisberger. Great one, King. Can we get a count of football-related puns on Raw this week? (I don’t know. I’d probably bet on it, though.)
I doubted Ben tonight… he ACTUALLY did awesome!
It’s kinda sad when commentfest is over. (Hey, Michael Cole. Sorry it has to end, buddy.)
Glad I was able to get in this week…… been having to pull a John C. lately (DVR)…. Thanks US Army…..
OOOOHHH I GOT MY GLOW STICKS OUT…MY TO SMALL FOR MY HEAD HAT….AND IM CROTCH CHOPPING AS I TYPE THIS…DX IS HERE YAY….I mean yay. (Thanks for posting, Vince McMahon. You’re not last like usual, though. Not this week.)
BIG SHOW referred to themselves as JERISHOW!!!! Way to go, John!!! (What do I win? A date with Mickie? I don’t even need a date. Just an hour. Maybe less. I mean more. See, I even make fun of myself!)
Thanks for the participation as always.
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See you on Saturday or Sunday for the Talking Smack column and also for my weekly NFL picks at Sportsoratory.com, which should be posted early Friday. And check us out at the Oratory for more wrestling columns as well as plenty of MMA coverage including a weekly Ultimate Fighter rundown among other things.
Thanks for reading. Have a great week.
Smell ya later,
John Canton – [email protected]
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