The UK’s Commission impossible

A member of the Commission removes a British flag during a European Summit at the EU headquarters in Brussels on June 28, 2016 | Thierry Charlier/AFP via Getty Images


The UK’s Commission impossible

Possible job descriptions for Britain’s last member of the EU executive.



The EU and the U.K. have a problem that’s much bigger than the political and economic fallout of the Brexit vote: They have to figure out what job to give Britain’s next member of the European Commission.

Whether it likes it or not, the U.K. remains an EU member until the divorce process is complete — and at this point no one knows how long that will be. The man who had been representing Britain on the Commission, Jonathan Hill, was in charge of the coveted financial services portfolio. He resigned on Saturday, leaving a vacancy to fill.

There’s no way the lame duck who replaces him will be put in charge of financial services. He or she will almost certainly get a job no one else wants.

Here are some suggested portfolios for Britain’s last member of the European Commission:

Inter-institutional transport modalities

Driving other Commissioners to meetings.

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Competences, partnerships and best practices

Delivering deliverables aimed at fostering enhanced dialogue.

Interior horticultural policy

Watering the plants.

Cross-presidential liaison

Dealing with Martin Schulz.

Sanitary and hygiene infrastructure

Cleaning the Commission toilets.

Rendering of agricultural commodities into consumables

Making the French fries.


What the heck, give it your best shot.

Craig Winneker